I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Still dying that you shit outside
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
