I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
