I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
NoShamevember. You game?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
