U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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