I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
