Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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