Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
