According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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