no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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