We're facebook friends in real life
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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