I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
