You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
