But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
