I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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