Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
