i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
