i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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