Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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