their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
