But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
