Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
