Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
