you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.