I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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