I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.