I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
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Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success