hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
She's JV to your varsity
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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