So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
