Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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