C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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