you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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