plz talk dirty to me
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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