Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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