Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
