Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
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I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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