Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
