We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
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Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
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If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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