i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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