What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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