32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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