We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
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I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
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I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
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