sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
