Sorry, I don't speak sober.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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