I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
