woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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