Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
