Can i not drive my cunt home
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
