I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
