My liver just broke up with me...
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
