Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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