His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Randomize
