he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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