its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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