I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
