She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
