On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
