I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I am available for nakedness
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