my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize