My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
