All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
