Moan for me like Helen Keller
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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