Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
