He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
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Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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