Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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