It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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