Duck Duck Cougar?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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