why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
