I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
