Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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