I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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