yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
