i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
The best revenge is premature balding
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
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