the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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