First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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