Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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