4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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