she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
